After six months without a blog update, it is important for my return blog to welcome my children into this world. Alexender (Xen) Mark Porteous and Eden Liora Porteous were born on April 15, 2010. It was the most amazing event of my life. The emotional high was incredible. It has been a fantastic journey already and keeps getting better every day.
Their names are very special. We spent a long time deciding on them. I had been working on a list of my own since I was twelve years old. My first name is Charles, as was my father's first name before he had it changed officially to his childhood nick name Skipp. My grand father and great grand father also had the first name Charles. I was told it was a family tradition that led all the way back to the British thrown. As a young man I used to think about names that went well with Charles. I was excited to pass on the family name. Having a daughter never crossed my mind. My wife was very pleased when my father told me that he had legally changed his and that I should not feel any obligation to name my son Charles. Instead Renee suggested that our son share my middle name, Mark. His first name is our own little twist on Alexander, which means protector. By spelling and pronouncing it AlexEnder, we can abbreviate and call him Xen, a different spelling for an Eastern philosophy of calmness and being in the present moment. Eden is a place of unsurpassed beauty and tranquility. It is a oneness with God and creation. Eden's middle name is Liora. It is Hebrew for God's gift of light to me. I never could have imagined the joy a baby girl would bring.
Many years ago a friend of mine was having his first child. Someone asked why he would want to bring a child into this messed up world. He answered, "I believe my child will make this world a better place". That is what I hope for my children- that the world will be a better place because they were in it. My world is already a better place. I know they will be a positive force of change.
Welcome Eden and Xen. Your daddy loves you. I am so grateful to be blessed with the honor of raising you and filling your hearts with love and joy.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Crabs-in-a-bucket Theory
The people in our lives reflect who we are. In different phases of life we may attract different types of people. As we grow and evolve as individuals the people in our lives will grow with us, fade away, or hold us back. We can influence others but we can not change them. Change can only came from within. If we make the conscious choice to improve ourselves, we may also have to make choices about the people with whom we associate. This is not always easy. We do not want to leave behind the ones we love. If they are not ready to make the same choice to evolve, we can allow them to keep us from our own goals or we can separate ourselves enough to move toward our personal goals. As we achieve our goals, we can offer encouragement and guidance. In any recovery or self-improvement program it is recommended to separate oneself from the people that you are used to being around, because it is often those people that were involved with the behaviors you are working to overcome. Any successful person will tell you they surround themselves with like minded people. When we are surrounded my positive motivated people, we lift each other up and propel each other forward. Wanting the best for others, attracts people who want the best for us. Operating from a place of limitless possibility, we do not need to compete to be successful. We can rejoice in the success of others.
Our society does not promote the idea of limitless potential. We tend to act from a state of lacking. We are taught to think another person’s success diminishes our own. We measure our level of success or failure by comparison to others. This is the cause of the crab-in-a-bucket theory. The crab-in-a-bucket theory refers to the behavior of crabs when placed inside a bucket. While a single crab may find a way to escape, when several crabs are put in a bucket, none will escape. As one crab claws its way to the top, the others will pull it back down. This is a true phenomenon. Crab mentality is also a metaphor for the human response to self-improvement in others. Often when people see others advancing themselves, they subconsciously reach out to hold them back.
John and Matt had been friends for a long time. They went to bars to drink and pick up women at least a few nights every week. They would laugh about being hung over and calling in sick for work. They did not have meaningful relationships. Women were merely a conquest. Eventually, Matt began to see the harm he was doing to himself; physically, emotionally and spiritually. He was sacrificing so many goals and desires for the same shallow experiences week after week. He decided he wanted to make a change. He told John he did not want to behave like that anymore. Instead of encouraging Matt to better himself, John took it as an insult. He saw nothing wrong with the social rut they had dug for themselves. He was comfortable with the way things were. He did not want change. John tried to drag Matt down any way he could. He even used guilt to try to keep Matt from changing. Subconsciously, he was afraid that if Matt found happiness elsewhere, it would reflect a weakness in him. Instead of seeing an opportunity for personal growth, he chose to hold his friend back.
Does this sound familiar to you? Have you ever been in Matt’s or John’s position? I would love to hear your stories about crabs in a bucket.
Our society does not promote the idea of limitless potential. We tend to act from a state of lacking. We are taught to think another person’s success diminishes our own. We measure our level of success or failure by comparison to others. This is the cause of the crab-in-a-bucket theory. The crab-in-a-bucket theory refers to the behavior of crabs when placed inside a bucket. While a single crab may find a way to escape, when several crabs are put in a bucket, none will escape. As one crab claws its way to the top, the others will pull it back down. This is a true phenomenon. Crab mentality is also a metaphor for the human response to self-improvement in others. Often when people see others advancing themselves, they subconsciously reach out to hold them back.
John and Matt had been friends for a long time. They went to bars to drink and pick up women at least a few nights every week. They would laugh about being hung over and calling in sick for work. They did not have meaningful relationships. Women were merely a conquest. Eventually, Matt began to see the harm he was doing to himself; physically, emotionally and spiritually. He was sacrificing so many goals and desires for the same shallow experiences week after week. He decided he wanted to make a change. He told John he did not want to behave like that anymore. Instead of encouraging Matt to better himself, John took it as an insult. He saw nothing wrong with the social rut they had dug for themselves. He was comfortable with the way things were. He did not want change. John tried to drag Matt down any way he could. He even used guilt to try to keep Matt from changing. Subconsciously, he was afraid that if Matt found happiness elsewhere, it would reflect a weakness in him. Instead of seeing an opportunity for personal growth, he chose to hold his friend back.
Does this sound familiar to you? Have you ever been in Matt’s or John’s position? I would love to hear your stories about crabs in a bucket.
Friday, March 12, 2010
The Middle Way
While I see the value of being free from attachments, self-denial can become an obsession. Buddha did not achieve enlightenment until he discovered the ‘Middle Way’.
Siddhartha Guatama was born around 563 BC. According to the traditional biography his father was King Suddhodana. After examining the infant, the hermit seer Asita announced that the child would become either a great king or a great holy man. He was given the name Siddhartha, meaning “the one who achieves his aim”. Wanting his son to be a great king, not a holy man, King Suddhodana, shielded his son from religious teachings or knowledge of human suffering. He built three palaces to isolate him from the outside world. When he was 29, he went out to meet his subjects. His father did his best to hide those who were old, sick or suffering. When he saw an old man, his charioteer explained that all people get old. Later he saw a rotting corpse, a diseased man, and an ascetic. When Siddhartha discovered the poverty and disease that existed in the kingdom outside the walls of his palace, he renounced his life of wealth and luxury for one of asceticism. Giving up all his belongings, he turned to begging for alms in the street. In search of enlightenment, he pushed his austerities even further, by practising deprivation of nearly all worldly goods. One day, after nearly starving himself to death, he collapsed in a river while bathing and nearly drowned. After that, he began to reconcider his path. In his quest to give up attachments, he found asceticism had become a crutch and was keeping him from enlightenment just as much as the wealth and materialism from which he had escaped. Upon deep meditation, he discovered what Buddhists now refer to as ‘The Middle Way’; a moderation between self-indulgence and self-mortification.
After 49 days of meditation, at age 35, Guatama attained enlightenment. From that point on he was known as the Buddha or “The Awakened One.”
Siddhartha Guatama was born around 563 BC. According to the traditional biography his father was King Suddhodana. After examining the infant, the hermit seer Asita announced that the child would become either a great king or a great holy man. He was given the name Siddhartha, meaning “the one who achieves his aim”. Wanting his son to be a great king, not a holy man, King Suddhodana, shielded his son from religious teachings or knowledge of human suffering. He built three palaces to isolate him from the outside world. When he was 29, he went out to meet his subjects. His father did his best to hide those who were old, sick or suffering. When he saw an old man, his charioteer explained that all people get old. Later he saw a rotting corpse, a diseased man, and an ascetic. When Siddhartha discovered the poverty and disease that existed in the kingdom outside the walls of his palace, he renounced his life of wealth and luxury for one of asceticism. Giving up all his belongings, he turned to begging for alms in the street. In search of enlightenment, he pushed his austerities even further, by practising deprivation of nearly all worldly goods. One day, after nearly starving himself to death, he collapsed in a river while bathing and nearly drowned. After that, he began to reconcider his path. In his quest to give up attachments, he found asceticism had become a crutch and was keeping him from enlightenment just as much as the wealth and materialism from which he had escaped. Upon deep meditation, he discovered what Buddhists now refer to as ‘The Middle Way’; a moderation between self-indulgence and self-mortification.
After 49 days of meditation, at age 35, Guatama attained enlightenment. From that point on he was known as the Buddha or “The Awakened One.”
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Abstinence of Lent
Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of the Christian holiday of Lent. The purpose of this forty day long event is to prepare, through prayer, penitence, almsgiving and self-denial, for the annual commemoration of the death and resurrection of Jesus. These practices, which are intended to encourage spiritual growth, could also be called, meditation, forgiveness, charity, and abstinence. Regardless of religious belief, these disciplines each have obvious merit for enriching one’s soul.
Lent is most commonly known as a time of asceticism. The adjective "ascetic" derives from the ancient Greek term askēsis (practice, training or exercise). Originally associated with any form of disciplined practice, the term ascetic has come to mean anyone who practices a renunciation of worldly pursuits to achieve higher intellectual and spiritual goals. Asceticism is closely related to the Christian concept of chastity and might be said to be the technical implementation of the abstract vows of renunciation. Those who practice ascetic lifestyles do not consider their practices virtuous in themselves but pursue such a lifestyle in order to encourage, or 'prepare the ground' for, mind-body transformation. Some forms of Christianity and the Indian religions teach that salvation and liberation involve a process of mind-body transformation effected by exercising restraint with respect to actions of body, speech, and mind. The founders and earliest practitioners of these religions lived extremely austere lifestyles refraining from sensual pleasures and the accumulation of material wealth. This is to be understood not as an eschewal of the enjoyment of life, but a recognition that spiritual and religious goals are impeded by such indulgence.
In the popular imagination, asceticism may be considered obsessive or even masochistic in nature However, the askēsis enjoined by religion functions in order to bring about greater freedom in various areas of one's life (such as freedom from compulsions and temptations) and greater peacefulness of mind (with a concomitant increase in clarity and power of thought). As with most holidays, Lent is a symbolic gesture. It reminds us of spiritual excercises practiced by the most revered spiritual leaders. Although I do not consider myself a religious person, I am a spiritual person. I embrace any discipline that encourages my own spiritual growth. Letting go of attachments is a personal goal I have set for myself. This does not mean I do not allow myself to enjoy possessions or indulging in pleasure of the flesh, including food and alcohol. It is only the attachment or addiction to these things that I resist. Observing Lent is a good way to address our addictions or attachments and prove to ourselves that our free will is more powerful than our urges. For this reason, I appreciate the value of this religious holiday.
Lent is most commonly known as a time of asceticism. The adjective "ascetic" derives from the ancient Greek term askēsis (practice, training or exercise). Originally associated with any form of disciplined practice, the term ascetic has come to mean anyone who practices a renunciation of worldly pursuits to achieve higher intellectual and spiritual goals. Asceticism is closely related to the Christian concept of chastity and might be said to be the technical implementation of the abstract vows of renunciation. Those who practice ascetic lifestyles do not consider their practices virtuous in themselves but pursue such a lifestyle in order to encourage, or 'prepare the ground' for, mind-body transformation. Some forms of Christianity and the Indian religions teach that salvation and liberation involve a process of mind-body transformation effected by exercising restraint with respect to actions of body, speech, and mind. The founders and earliest practitioners of these religions lived extremely austere lifestyles refraining from sensual pleasures and the accumulation of material wealth. This is to be understood not as an eschewal of the enjoyment of life, but a recognition that spiritual and religious goals are impeded by such indulgence.
In the popular imagination, asceticism may be considered obsessive or even masochistic in nature However, the askēsis enjoined by religion functions in order to bring about greater freedom in various areas of one's life (such as freedom from compulsions and temptations) and greater peacefulness of mind (with a concomitant increase in clarity and power of thought). As with most holidays, Lent is a symbolic gesture. It reminds us of spiritual excercises practiced by the most revered spiritual leaders. Although I do not consider myself a religious person, I am a spiritual person. I embrace any discipline that encourages my own spiritual growth. Letting go of attachments is a personal goal I have set for myself. This does not mean I do not allow myself to enjoy possessions or indulging in pleasure of the flesh, including food and alcohol. It is only the attachment or addiction to these things that I resist. Observing Lent is a good way to address our addictions or attachments and prove to ourselves that our free will is more powerful than our urges. For this reason, I appreciate the value of this religious holiday.
Advice by Example
I have been recording my experiences, in the form of poetry, since I was 13 years old. Writing helps me understand my feelings about my different experiences. Writing down my feelings allows me to organize, and express my thoughts. It seems to be a positive way of venting my powerful emotions. Re-reading my own words allows me to review my experiences from an outside perspective. I am able to detach myself from my situation, so I can offer myself guidance. It is always easier to advise someone of a situation in which we are not involved. When we find ourselves in the same situation, do we follow our own advice?
Advise by Example
All the answers live within us,
But we have been taught
Not to look for answers there.
Without conscious thought,
We search in others,
To see our own reflection.
We can see, though them,
The faults in need of correction
To improve ourselves.
Unaware we are looking in a mirror,
It is easy to share invaluable advice
And never know all its worth to us.
Of all we have offered,
How often do we accept and use
All that we have given?
Little advice is worth more,
In our own lives,
Than that which we give away.
Advise by Example
All the answers live within us,
But we have been taught
Not to look for answers there.
Without conscious thought,
We search in others,
To see our own reflection.
We can see, though them,
The faults in need of correction
To improve ourselves.
Unaware we are looking in a mirror,
It is easy to share invaluable advice
And never know all its worth to us.
Of all we have offered,
How often do we accept and use
All that we have given?
Little advice is worth more,
In our own lives,
Than that which we give away.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Celebrating Romance
As with many Christian holidays, the origin of St Valentine’s Day is somewhat unclear. There are different opinions on which Saint Valentine is being revered. Like Christmas and Easter, St. Valentine’s Day is also a mix of Christian and Pagan tradition.
St. Valentine’s Day, is often referred to as a ‘Hallmark Holiday’. For this reason, I always believed Hallmark was responsible for creating the resurgence of this modern holiday to sell more cards. After doing a little research, it looks like Valentine’s Day may have actually been responsible for creating Hallmark and the entire greeting card industry. Exchanging Valentine’s, or cards, is the oldest tradition of the holiday. In 1847, Esther Holland developed a successful business in her Massachusetts home making Valentines cards. Years later, other gifts like candies and flowers became popular gifts. In the 1980’s, the diamond industry began to promote Valentine’s Day as an occasion to give jewelry.
All holidays are meant as symbolic reminders. How we choose to celebrate any holiday or event is up to us. I see Valentine’s Day as a reminder to be grateful for the romance and intimacy I am blessed to share throughout the year. It is a special time to reflect on love. Love is so important, it deserves a holiday. This day should not be an obligation of romance, but an opportunity for sharing. It brings attention to the great desire for romance. This can be an annual lesson on ‘how to be romantic’. It can motivate us each year to think of original ways to express our love. The expression of love is as important to the giver just as it is to the recipient. It is the great joy of giving.
What greater gift can we give than our love? Demonstrating love in our actions every day is the best way to show what is in our hearts. During this St Valentine’s Day, I am thankful for all the love in my life. Most of all, I am thankful for all the years of sharing love with my beautiful wife.
My holiday wish for all is to love yourself and others. Only as much as we love, can we be loved in return. Fill your hearts with love and live in joy.
St. Valentine’s Day, is often referred to as a ‘Hallmark Holiday’. For this reason, I always believed Hallmark was responsible for creating the resurgence of this modern holiday to sell more cards. After doing a little research, it looks like Valentine’s Day may have actually been responsible for creating Hallmark and the entire greeting card industry. Exchanging Valentine’s, or cards, is the oldest tradition of the holiday. In 1847, Esther Holland developed a successful business in her Massachusetts home making Valentines cards. Years later, other gifts like candies and flowers became popular gifts. In the 1980’s, the diamond industry began to promote Valentine’s Day as an occasion to give jewelry.
All holidays are meant as symbolic reminders. How we choose to celebrate any holiday or event is up to us. I see Valentine’s Day as a reminder to be grateful for the romance and intimacy I am blessed to share throughout the year. It is a special time to reflect on love. Love is so important, it deserves a holiday. This day should not be an obligation of romance, but an opportunity for sharing. It brings attention to the great desire for romance. This can be an annual lesson on ‘how to be romantic’. It can motivate us each year to think of original ways to express our love. The expression of love is as important to the giver just as it is to the recipient. It is the great joy of giving.
What greater gift can we give than our love? Demonstrating love in our actions every day is the best way to show what is in our hearts. During this St Valentine’s Day, I am thankful for all the love in my life. Most of all, I am thankful for all the years of sharing love with my beautiful wife.
My holiday wish for all is to love yourself and others. Only as much as we love, can we be loved in return. Fill your hearts with love and live in joy.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Hope for a Brighter Day
In my blog titled, 'Tolerance', I included a poem, 'The Darkest Hours'. I wrote it while my mother was going through chemotherapy almost 20 years ago. After reading it, she asked me to write about the dawn that follows the darkness. The possibility of a bright new day helped her through her darkness. Tolerance is a culmination of faith, acceptance and forgiveness. These strengths, coupled with hope, led my mother through a very difficult time. Life, filled with love, has been her reward.
We all go through difficult times. When we make it through, it is important to look back and learn from our experience. It is also important to look ahead and see how we can grow from the obstacles we have conquered. Appreciating our achievments, reminds us of our potential. Every new day offers opportunities to actualize our potential. It is up to us to make the most of each new day.
Rise and Shine
Declaring war,
Dawn attacks the dying night.
Crawling over the horizon
Comes the army of growing light.
As trumpets sound,
From darkness you awake,
To find the night’s been captured
And the day is yours to take.
Armed with strength and courage,
That night has given you,
You are prepared
To do what you must do.
It is time to rise and shine.
The day has now advanced.
While threatening your demise
It still offers you a chance.
To take the spoils of the day
You plot your battle plan
Calling on every ounce of wisdom
To make the best attack you can.
Striking out at what’s to come
Use all that you have learned.
With light now on your side,
Surely the tides have turned.
In dark of night,
You set your goals.
Your mental strength
Enriched your soul.
By light of day,
Work through life’s chores.
You’ve made it through the darkest hours
Now claim the day as yours!
We all go through difficult times. When we make it through, it is important to look back and learn from our experience. It is also important to look ahead and see how we can grow from the obstacles we have conquered. Appreciating our achievments, reminds us of our potential. Every new day offers opportunities to actualize our potential. It is up to us to make the most of each new day.
Rise and Shine
Declaring war,
Dawn attacks the dying night.
Crawling over the horizon
Comes the army of growing light.
As trumpets sound,
From darkness you awake,
To find the night’s been captured
And the day is yours to take.
Armed with strength and courage,
That night has given you,
You are prepared
To do what you must do.
It is time to rise and shine.
The day has now advanced.
While threatening your demise
It still offers you a chance.
To take the spoils of the day
You plot your battle plan
Calling on every ounce of wisdom
To make the best attack you can.
Striking out at what’s to come
Use all that you have learned.
With light now on your side,
Surely the tides have turned.
In dark of night,
You set your goals.
Your mental strength
Enriched your soul.
By light of day,
Work through life’s chores.
You’ve made it through the darkest hours
Now claim the day as yours!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
